The last time I went to JB was January 26. And the last place I visited was Chengdu. And little do we know, 2020 is about to come to an end.
What have I achieved so far? – I have lost 5kg ever since WFH – I got engaged exactly 2 years after – I’ve been accepted by an institute to continue my study (more like… switching career) – I have forgiven people who have backstabbed me but will never forget what they have done – Slowly donning hijab
What am I looking forward in 2021?
I don’t know… It is hard to predict the future, right? But InsyaAllah, I will try my best to save more money as I only have a year more to plan for my next big day.
I only want a simple nikah and wedding ceremony.
Ever since I have gone back to school, most of the time I am occupied at home doing reading and spend more time with my little nephew. Oh forgot to mention! My nephew was born three days after my engagement ceremony. He’s probably too excited to come out early. He will turn 5 months on December 14.
Let’s hope 2021 will be a better year. Let us hope every country has found its vaccine. Let us hope for the best. Always believe in God’s work. He knows better than us.
I was lost in a deserted area with my mom. I told her that I want to change, and I want to don hijab. I would like to learn more about my religion. But then something happened.
I couldn’t find dad and my brother. In fact, there were only little kids and women (mothers and old women), running around – some were asking for help and young girls were trying to find men, in whatsoever ways to earn some cash.
I saw an Imam and approached him. Asked him, where did all the men go? I was in disbelief when he told me most men have gone to war. Again, I asked “What war?“
“The end is here.” I stood in silent. I told Imam I’d like to seek forgiveness, I want to repent.
Felt like we were back in neolithic era. No smartphones, no tv. Not even a bloody car. I didn’t know how to contact my dad.I stopped a lady from running and asked why is it almost all young girls are doing prostitution, gambling & etc?
“What is there to lose? Everyone is going to hell anyway. Might as well sin.”
And I heard sangkakala…
I woke up with tears, rolling on my cheeks. I looked around my bed, finding my phone.
Every single day I sujud and pray to Allah, asking for forgiveness and each time I pray, I ask for a sign, a hidayah for me to open up and hijrah to be a better muslimah.
My heart felt a little bit heavy at first. I mean, what if I couldn’t find any acting job anymore because I’ve donned hijab? What if my then boyfriend decided to leave me? What will society think about me?
Few weeks before my engagement, on our way out to find rings, I told him about my dream. I asked for his opinion bout me donning hijab. “If you’re not ready, then don’t force yourself. But, learn. Slowly. And you’ll adapt to it.”
I wasn’t quite sure either if it was a good idea to just don on my engagement day. True what my friends say “do it slowly.“
Though there are times I feel like giving up, today marks one month of me donning hijab. I mean, up till now I question myself about the dream, “Is that the sign from God? Or is it just another bad dream?”
But that dream changed my life. Change the way I pray, the way I see rizq and everything. That dream somehow has shifted me to be a better person. InsyaAllah, I am learning to be a better muslimah too. Not to mention, my heart is at ease, to know Allah hears my prayers, hears me, even in sleep.
And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed. [An Nur: 24-31]
Two years ago, someone decided to make me his girlfriend, without even asking “Do you want to be my girlfriend?“. I guess he is too old for that.
And today, we are engaged. Who knew, this day would come.
I asked for no event, no gifts. We are still in pandemic, so better be safe than sorry. Also… I have too many bags now 😛
Alhamdulillah, (rezeki) my colleague and his wife sent a box of lompat tikam, one of my favorite Malay desserts and future mother-in-law gave marble cake and grazing platter.
I am all over the moon. No words could describe how happy I am right now. Allah somehow has answered my prayer when I was at Jabal Rahmah (Mount of Mercy) 3 years ago. Allah Maha Besar, Maha Mengetahui.
I will strive to be a better Muslimah, less cengeng (cry baby) and help my family in whatever I can at the moment.
And… I am a barista now! Part-time je lah. Cari duit kahwin katakan.
One random night, I sent an e-mail to Lepak Live, asking if they are still looking for a stagehand. Promptly, they replied and in December, I attended my very first meeting with them and others.
This was my second time to work in a theatre production. The last time I did when I was probably 18 or 19 years old.
Who doesn’t know Bonda Bedah and Mak Temah? The comedy duo Hafidz Rahman and Zuhairi Idris.
Rehearsals started in the mid of December but stagehands came in only in January. So we had 1 month to rehearse and brainstorm on how to carry this and that on stage and such. (also, i got to make new friends) On our last rehearsal at C42, I suddenly had an emotional breakdown in the toilet and on the bike. It happened so quick, I even tried to avoid everyone.
Kudos to Hafidz and Zuhairi. They deserved all the credits, applause and everything. The hard work they have put in for their 3 nights show just for their fans – is superb.
I was there throughout their 12 sketches rehearsals. I witnessed everybody’s stress, I even had mine too.
There were 11 sketches altogether and my favorite? Definitely Siti No Hal scene. Why? Because all departments contributed on that scene and good job to the wardrobe team for making the outfit happening!
I had a talk with one of the wardrobe crews and he told me he improvised so many things in that outfit. First take – it took about 7 minutes for Zuhairi to wear the whole set. Then it went down to 5, went up again to 7 and on bump-in – less than 3 minutes, or lesser than that. (team effort!)
On our last rehearsal at C42, I woke up with unstable emotions and scrambled thoughts in my head. Headed to office to grab couple of newspapers and then, I started to cry while setting up things in the rehearsal room.
My second favorite sketch – Funeral. One thing for sure throughout the whole 3 shows, I clearly remember the corpse (one of the dancers) was giggling underneath the kain batik and Zuhairi went off “Mayat ni kesejukan ke?” and he looked underneath that kain everybody started to laugh. It was so spontaneous and I did not expect that to happen.
There was this one particular day, I sat down with Zuhairi and another stagehand, Saffy and I asked “Why Tampines Hub?”
“Esplanade has around 1500 seats and we’re afraid we won’t be able to sell all the tickets out…” and the conversation goes on. I told him (not sure if Hafidz was around, i was facing the other side) “Zu, this theatre has 400 seats, right? And you are doing three shows and you have sold 1200 seats, am i right? You guys are well established – people know Bonda Bedah Mak Temah and you have so many fans out there not only in Singapore! You have fans in Malaysia, in Indonesia! These people are dying to see both of you perfoming live. Do not be worried about if tickets dapat jual ke tidak. I can assure tak sampai satu hari all tickets sold out cepat. Look! Kita buka at 9 am around noon je tinggal sikit, right?”
I have faith in these two guys. Ni bukan bodek. Everything that is written on my blog is all real. Not paid review and such.
These guys can go way much more farther, but I hope they don’t join Maharaja Lawak. I believe in their talents and original contents.
I am definitely gonna miss this moment. Every sweat, every tear, every argument, every stress and every journey I went through with this team is definitely worth it. Knowledge is unstoppable and this project has given me so many experiences in just three months.
InsyaAllah we will able to work together again in the future. I love each one of you!
2019 is about to come to the end. Throughout this almost one year, 2019 has taught me more about humanity & empathy.
The first 3 months, I lost 4 people who were dearly to me. And then mom fell sick for months, in & out hospital; had to be there all the time. I skipped work plenty times but i don’t owe anyone an explanation for it.
Mid year was okay, alhamdulillah. But mom fell sick again. For 2 months I stayed morning & night to make sure both mom & dad had their needs done.
Mom could finally walk again. A week after her last therapy, I fell sick & couldn’t move around. I cried so hard in the ambo thinking, why me? It took me at least 1 month for me to get back on my feet again, had to rely on painkillers (hate it). I mean I can still walk but the recovery process (swollen bones and chest pain, overall) took at least one month.
Not to mention I had my very first big argument w/ my partner. But that big argument taught us to be more sabr & stronger.
I am still running on endless prairie, chasing my dream. This year, I seized every opportunity i was given; from Chinese series to English web series. I’m proud of my own outcome. It might be small but like i said, still running on endless prairie.
I told my dad my body can no longer take the air I’m breathing, working at night. Yes, I was a dumb young girl a decade ago. I didn’t think of my own future. I threw the opportunity I was given to continue study in the education industry; but if I didn’t make that choice, I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t be able to play kites with the things I love.
The highlight in 2019, I finally got to operate a live show that is happening soon in Feb 2020. Not that much, but as a stagehand. I’m proud of myself.
It took me years to convince my parents about doing things I love. One day I surprised my mom to watch a movie with me. She was clueless & after she saw me on that big screen, she hugged me. She told my dad about it that night.
Yes, I regret for not seizing the opportunity to continue study 9 years ago but I don’t feel regret with the journey I went through. Here’s to more great opportunities coming soon in 2020! 2 dramas will be aired in January and i can’t wait for that too!
Oh also… I spend most of my time giving back to the society now. Chasing jannah too.
As Deepavali is approaching soon, I decided to join Lighting Hearts Lighting Homes last Friday as a volunteer to pack beneficiary goodies for the ones who are in need. I brought my sister to gain an experience.
As it was our first time doing this kindness charity together, we made and met quite a few (new) friends from different range of age from teachers, students from Edgefield and Temasek, SINDA and neighbors that stay around Yishun Ring Rd.
There were two different bags that we had to pack. The orange one fills with detergent, shower cream, tooth paste/brush, sardines, condensed milk, milo, cracker, muruku, cookies and vegetable oil. While the blue bag fills with spices, laddus, dosa mix, salt, sugar, onions, potoates & some other vegetables.
Took about 4 hours to pack more than 2000 bags and it was a fun work-out for me.
I have always wanted to do something good, to give back to my fellow people but work has been killing me. Some other day I have to be on set, production meeting and then go for my night shift job.
In that 4 hours, I met many great people. Little children helped around, students came down with their teachers, people from different background regardless race and religion, we all became one. This is what I call true racial harmony.
I came down not for me. I came down for God.
Right after we were done packing for the first 2 hours, Santhi (i believe so his name) surprised us with a box of ice-cream to cool ourselves down. My sister and I were like happy kids. Told her “this is our sisters bonding day“.
And I guess when you are tired, you don’t even want to eat.
Wrapped up everything at 4-4.30pm, my sister and I went back straight ahead to Yishun to grab our early dinner. It had been a beneficial Friday for both of us and we would love to do this more often in the future. Probably going to bring my mom and brother too the next time.
A year ago, I met someone who changed my whole entire life without me knowing. Despite of the trust issues I had/have, I took the risk to get to know him.
My first impressions: annoying, failed to be funny.
But he was adorable. And is still adorable.
He came into my life when I was at the peak of chasing my dream. He held my hand for the first time when he wanted to send me off to work.
We met three days straight in a row; 9th July, 10th July and 11th July. I don’t know but I thought I felt quite safe to be around him.
Fast forward a year later, I am still with the same man who stole and caught my attention. And up to this day, he still treats me with affection and love like how he first saw me.
I have never felt so happier in my life. Truth to be told, my skin is getting glower and better because of the hype and happiness that I am surrounded with. In fact, the time when I went to Mecca and prayed for a miracle, it came true. He indeed is my answered prayers.
He entertains my childish behavior, lets me eat whatever I want and never say no to where I wanna go. But he doesn’t really like to see me in white shirts.
Our love life is like Brown and Cony. He is expressionless and I on the other side, hyper active.
I am so glad Allah brought him into my life. He reminds me more of my dad… like they both have the same characteristics.
To my dear K, Thank you for never stop loving me. Thank you for always making yourself available whenever I need you. In our first year, you have seen quite a number of my emotional breakdowns moment and never once, you leave my side.
You make sure that I have everything, attention and space. You’d call me in the middle of your working timing to make sure I am okay.
I was having fun at Mayday Parade concert and you waited for me, though you felt tired and sleepy. You were there when grandpop was hospitalized. You smell extra good when you are mad at me.
I am a lucky girl. I am so lucky to have met you. My parents adore you too. And the best part is, your love for me never change. It remains the same from the first day we met.
Happy anniversary my love. May God bless us and ease our journey to be one.
I am rewriting my Umrah trip. Not because I missed a few points. Nope.
Because, I feel much more contented and better now.
My life changed ever since my Umrah journey started on December 2, 2017. I felt petrified and overwhelmed at the same time. I had so many things on my mind; like… what did I do to deserve this?
Months before the day of my departure, I gave lame excuses to my parents. It took them at least 8 months to plan ahead for everything. Or maybe more, I don’t know.
Like others, I told myself “I don’t deserve this. I am a sinner.” But Lord is Merciful, He loves his أمة (ummah). According to my ustaz, “He chooses you. He chose you for a reason. You may think someone else deserves this, but He wants you to be there for a reason.” That’s where I realized – I should be thankful.
I was surrounded with mixed feelings and emotions. I asked and told my closest friends, “What if I can’t do it? I’ve never prayed, will God forgive me? Will God give me a second chance?” & etc.
Two months beforehand, I self-studied how to pray. Started from the bottom.
I was lost in my own religion. I wanted to give up. I did not know what to do. I wandered about life a lot.
The day arrived. Friends and relatives all came down to send my mom, dad and me. We were supposed to take off at 4.35 pm but things happened. Our flight got delayed. 7 hours later, we flew off.
We reached Jeddah safely and I had butt sore from sitting in the plane and bus for more than 16 hours. We chose Afandi Travel to make this worship journey happen.
We had our stay at Leader Al-Muna Kareem Hotel in Madinah. It is 5 minutes walking distance away to Masjid Nabawi. My heart pounded real fast.
“Is this really happening? Is Nabawi really in front of me? Am I dreaming?”
When I first stepped my right foot at gate 26 Nabawi, I had tears of joy rolling out from my eyes. I was surrounded with peace, birds chirping here and there, beautiful voices from people reading the Koran and of course, beautiful windy weather.
That night, I got to visit Ar-Rawdah with my dad’s wife and her relatives. Such a wonderful place to be. They say أخضر is green, and so is Rawdah.
My days in Madinah was amazing. We got to visit Green Dome, Jabal Uhud, Masjid Quba’, Masjid Qiblatain, Shuhada’ Uhud and a few other places. But due to the cold weather, I fell sick and caught fever on my second day of ibadah.
6th December; the day where I was feeling extra nervous and excited at the same time. I was so nervous that I actually slept the whole entire journey to Mecca.
We reached Mecca almost 11 pm. Quickly had my dinner and then, my journey of hijrah began.
Unbelievable. Astonished. Indescribable.
Those were the words that I had in my mind when I saw Kaabah.
My heart pounded real fast that I thought I was gonna get asthma attack. I cried while tawaf. I couldn’t believe the big black box in front of me is Kaabah.
Tears of joy, tears of forgiveness.
I hugged my mom so tight. I couldn’t express or tell how sinful I was back then. I wondered why was I been given a second chance?
26 years (2017) of living, I finally found myself. God is real and so is everything on this earth. I felt so peaceful and my mind was as clear as the ocean.
For all this time, I have always asked God to lead me to the right path, show some guidance though I didn’t sujud at Him before my Umrah journey.
And He did.
I was so excited to perform my prayers at Al-Haram Mosque. Mom and I did our prayers at Tower 2 (if I’m not mistaken). And usually after Isyak, we would hang out at Zam Zam to either eat supper or just walk around.
Indeed, God is real and He is Merciful. I was prepared for new changes but I did not expect it to happen real quick.
When I was at Tower 2, I kinda challenged God. Within minutes, I gotten my answers. Like I said, I was prepared but did not expect it to happen real quick.
I accepted my fate.
But at least I got my parents back. We’re back as one.
My journey in Mecca didn’t end there. We visited Jabal Rahmah and Mount Arafat too!
I actually prayed for my love life at Jabal Rahmah hehehe.
When I was there, I knew I had to leave my past behind and start a fresh. Slowly but surely.
Before we end our journey, we went back for tawaf wada’ and this time around, I wish don’t have to go back home. A part of me just wanna live in Mecca because it is so peaceful there.
And you know what’s more incredible besides this whole journey? Right after I landed back in Singapore, I wasn’t feeling sick anymore. My cough and fever disappeared.
And my life has changed ever since then. My appearance may have changed but my personality remains the same.
I am like a reborn child; that my new journey starts at the age of 27.
As I slowly crawling searching for answers, I too, never stop looking for Him.
And as days go by, minutes turn to hours; many things have been happening to me lately; which I will break them all soon enough. (I just need to find more time to blog!)
I can never thank God for giving me a second chance to breathe. And also for making a few of the things I prayed before, came true.